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Grabbing the Wheel: Learn to Take Control

Assertiveness is a skill that just comes naturally to some people. They’re the people who never get walked on, the people who don’t let them get pressured into doing anything they don’t want to do. And, if they are extra lucky, they also have a natural knack for being polite even as they stand up for themselves. If you aren’t one of those people and instead sometimes (okay, often) get pressured, even bullied, into awkward situations or who are regularly bruised by office politics, here’s some advice.

The first lesson in the primer of how to be assertive is that assertiveness does not equal pushiness. Pushiness isn’t a becoming quality, and it usually borders the thin line of bullying. To be assertive, you don’t have to be mean, loud or violent. You just have to clearly understand and then define your boundaries (and believe in your ability to maintain them).

The second lesson, and one of the most important, is to leave emotion out of it. If you clearly are worked into a hissy, it’s much harder for people to take you seriously. Consider these two messages: “Ugh! I’m too busy!” or “I’m sorry, but my schedule is a little full. Thank you for thinking of me, though.” Which speaker are you more likely to listen to and respect?

A topic that goes hand in hand with leaving strong feelings at the door is learning to communicate clearly. Oftentimes when we don’t want to deal with an uncomfortable subject, manners can kick in and make everything we say so vague and non-committal that the listener may just hear what they want to and move on. Don’t let that happen. If you need to say no, say no. Be clear and don’t waver.

Finally, a key point to being assertive isn’t just about speaking well—it’s about being a great listener. If you learn to listen really well, you will be better able to understand exactly what someone is asking for and why. This can help you better evaluate your own response, whether it’s accepting, declining, or offering another solution entirely. Great listening is the key to great communication.
© 2011 SFN Professional Services LLC.